I was happily married before and am happily married now. My words surprised me recently when I said it out loud. The last time I thought about my previous marriage I thought that, the life with my previous partner was wasted. We did not even have children. I could not see anything good come from it. I felt that all the beauty was stolen from this best part of 16 years, and if I added the years before the married years when we were together, it came to many more.
What were the precursors to this grateful realisation?
Through disappointments in people I realised that we are all connected. I would not have been affected by other’s behaviour if this was not the case. People do not set out to hurt me, but our connectedness makes this an inevitable side-effect. I am therefore never alone.
I have recovered so often after the experience of personal loss, that I realise that life is abundant. There is always more joy, new relationships and new adventure in store.
It was during the most heart-breaking experiences that I learned that I am so Loved. I was always taken care of and my heart always healed.
I was liberated when I realised that I am not in control. I am part of a big story, I do not need to fix the world.
When change was forced upon me, I learned to trust, because I always ended up in better places and circumstances.
I learned to trust when in my attempts to protect myself I found myself in life threatening danger and I was pulled out of situations that would have destroyed me. I find myself in surprisingly safe places.
I learned patience when I dismally failed at all my attempts to change the world simply because I was stopped in my tracks.
The anxiety that followed all the above, teaches me patience and restraint. It helps me pay attention to how I pay attention to this very moment.
I became stronger through adversity. All the no’s, and rejections prepared me for joyful living in a complicated world.
I now know that regardless of what happens in my life, the outcome is defined by the beauty inside. That what happens in me, Spirit, manifests in the material world. This is not defined by others but by my trust in God’s Goodness.